Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Sons and Courage

Children arrive to move the life of the human being, in my case the arrival of my son made me rethink in life that I had not lived, in the world that had not participated, in the role in humanity that I did not in the middle of the 20 years of " You do not have good looks "be it emotional or professional, in the social order there were never spaces for me, sometimes, out of pity I was offered the crumbs. The arrival of a child made me sure of the inability to educate because I do not know if there would be something to go if I had not lived according to the famous normality of acceptance. I had barely explored my sexual side, had been pregnant for about a year after losing my virginity. I had not met other guys, I had not discovered who I was and what I liked sexually, intellectually, socially. I knew absolutely nothing about myself. When I was a mother the only thing I was sure of was that I had grown up in a social (and familiar!) Hell where I was not accepted and did not fit anywhere in the middle I was in. What mother was I going to be? What mother could I be? What did I have to pass on to this human being that I put into the world? Without self-esteem and financial independence, and no life experience, I was a mother at age 20. And I had to educate myself in the world to give an education that I thought fit for my son, and none that had been presented to me before had inspired me. I needed to get inspiration. I grew up uninspired, I had only received hatred and disrespect and could not afford it.